


know you've been hurting (think you deserve it)

by idkimoutofideas



Series: share your burdens [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Let Toph Say Fuck, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Rated T for swearing, The Gaang Learns How Zuko Got The Scar (Avatar), Toph 'sees' Zukos scar, Toph Beifong and Zuko are Siblings, Two Truths and A Lie, obligatory Toph finds out about Zukos scar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkimoutofideas/pseuds/idkimoutofideas
Summary: For some reason, the others were scared of Zuko. Toph didn't understand why, he did nothing but try and help, and was constantly on the verge of panicking. So she decides its up to her to include him in the group. Cue awkward bonding and Toph learning a lot of facts about Zuko's childhood that piss her off.
Relationships: Toph Beifong & Zuko
Series: share your burdens [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885762
Comments: 38
Kudos: 1789
Collections: Our Adventures in Bending, avatar tingz





	know you've been hurting (think you deserve it)

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't supposed to be a series, but then people really liked my Hakoda & Zuko fic, and I had a few more ideas bouncing around in my brain, so here we are.  
> Title is from 'Hey Child' by X Ambassadors, though for a while the working title was 'because we are siblings and we have the same hair' from [bdgs siblings video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AauAyjBxaIQ)

Toph liked Zuko. The others were still scared of him because somehow they were more blind than she was. They just couldn’t tell that he was seconds away from panicking at any given moment. The only times Toph heard Zuko’s heart beat at something close to a normal pace were when she walked past him and Aaang meditating, and when he made tea. Even then it only took one sudden noise for his pulse to skyrocket again.

He was also very easy to boss around. When she told him he’d have to carry her until her feet healed, she’d expected him to say no. And was very surprised when he agreed, and then kept carrying her long after she could walk again. Which was weird, because he was a prince and she would’ve thought that he was ‘above that’, but apparently his need to please others outweighed his need to seem dignified. She certainly wasn’t going to complain.

A few days after Zuko joined their group, when Toph's burns were just uncomfortable enough that she didn’t feel bad demanding Zuko carry her, she found herself sitting in the big room by the campfire with him while the others were off doing something. She was pretty sure Katara and Aang were practicing waterbending while Sokka was off with Haru getting food and Teo was watching The Duke. It was nice to just sit for a while. Zuko seemed to radiate warmth, something about being a firebender.

“We’re gonna play a game.” Toph announced suddenly, because quiet was fun and all but it was starting to get boring, and she still didn’t have a baseline for how well Zuko could lie.

“What kind of game?” Zuko asked warily.

“Two truths and a lie.” Toph waited for Zuko to react, but he didn’t do anything. “Come on, don’t tell me you haven’t heard of it! Sokka and Katara didn’t know it but that’s because they grew up in a tiny village. Even  _ I’ve _ heard of it, and I didn’t hang out with many kids my age.” Any kids her age really, but there had been one guard when she was younger that was particularly nice and who had taught Toph the game. That was when Toph first realized that she could tell when people were lying. Somehow her parents found out about it though, and that guard quickly vanished.

“I didn’t really have friends.” Zuko said quietly.

“Hey, that’s one thing we have in common!” Toph was aiming for a joke, but she missed the mark and felt Zuko just staring at her. “Anyway, it’s a pretty simple game. You state three facts about yourself, except one of the facts is a lie, and the other person has to guess which one the lie is.” Toph explained.

“Okay?” He still sounded confused, but less wary than before. “What’s the point?”

“It’s usually used as one of those really annoying ‘get to know you’ games,” Aang had made them play it a few times when she first joined. That was before they knew she could sense lies, so it was fun to mess with them when she always guessed correctly. “But it’s also fun to try and come up with shit to trick your friends with.”

“Okay.”

“Here, I’ll go first: I’m the current champion of Earth Rumble Six in Gaoling, I’m really good at swimming, and I can bend metal.”

“No one can bend metal.” Zuko said immediately.

“You calling me a liar?”

“Um, that’s the point of the game, isn’t it?” He sounded genuinely confused, and for a second Toph almost felt bad for messing with him. Almost.

Instead, she held out her hand and lifted the metal pot that they used to cook food and bent it into a variety of different shapes, grinning the whole time. After a moment she returned the pot to its original shape and set it back down on the cold fireplace, and she could feel the stunned disbelief rolling off Zuko in waves.

“Huh.”

Toph snorted. “So which one was a lie?” She pressed.

Zuko hesitated for a moment. “I have no idea what an Earth Rumble is, but it sounds like something you’d do, so… you aren’t good at swimming?”

“Yup! I hate swimming. Can’t see anything.” Toph wiggled her toes for emphasis.

“How  _ do _ you see?”

“I’m an earthbender, I see through the earth.” He made a slight noise of confusion, and Toph had to resist sighing, people were so slow sometimes. “I can feel the vibration of movement through the ground.”

“That’s… impressive.” Toph cracked a grin at Zuko's statement.

“Your turn.”

“Okay, um…” Zuko went silent for so long Toph almost asked if he’d forgotten what they were doing, but before she could he finally spoke. “Ok: I like turtleducks, I’ve been to all four air temples, and I’m a better bender than my sister.”

_ Truth. Truth. Lie. _

Toph scrunched up her nose, she didn’t need her seismic sense to tell her which one was a lie. “Come on Sparky, we just fought your sister, make it a little less obvious.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

“...when did you visit all of the air temples?”

“When I first started searching for the Avatar.” Toph frowned, the others had talked about the air temples they’d been to before, which all sounded really far apart, and that was when they were traveling on a flying bison. She didn’t want to know how long it would take to visit them all by boat.

“How long ago was that?”

“Uh, three years ago?”

“Why were you searching for the Avatar when you were twelve?”

“Thirteen.”

“Doesn’t change the question.”

“I-” Zuko cut himself off and seemed to stare at Toph for a moment. “I was banished.” He said slowly. “The only way for me to return home was if I captured the Avatar.”

_ Truth. _

Zuko’s voice was flat and emotionless, but Toph could understand the story behind it.

“You weren’t supposed to return home.” Toph said bluntly. Zuko sighed, and she could feel him rub at his face.

“Took me a long time to realize it.” Damn, Toph hated Ozai before, but now she  _ really _ hated him. Dangling the possibility of returning home in front of Zuko's face like that, telling him he could go back if he completed an impossible task… she wondered how long Zuko would’ve kept searching if Aang never returned.

“Why were you banished?”

“I, uh, spoke out of turn and disrespected my father.”

_ Partially true. _

“Huh. All right my turn.” Toph broke the awkward silence that descended over them. She hesitated, wondering if she should tell him one of the facts she thought of. He had just shared something personal, so she should probably reciprocate, even if she didn’t want to. “Sandbending is easy, the first time I left my hometown was when I joined Aang and the others, and… and my parents think I’m fragile.” There, she said it. She just hoped he wouldn’t focus too much on it.

“You- um, sandbending isn’t easy?”

“Yeah. It’s actually hard as shit to control all the tiny pieces. And it’s really hard to see through.” 

“...your parents don’t actually think you’re fragile, do they?”

Toph sort of regretted sharing that particular fact, but it was too late now. And it was only fair to tell him that when he just told her that his dad tried to exile him to never return.

“‘Tiny, blind, and helpless’ is actually what my dad said.” She tried to sound casual, but her voice was too tight to pass off as anything but mad.

“Then they’re stupid.” Toph was surprised by the vehemence in Zuko's voice. “I mean you can  _ metalbend _ . You’re teaching the  _ Avatar _ for Agni’s sake. You are the  _ farthest _ thing from helpless.”

_ Truth. _

Toph couldn’t help the grin that crept across her face. “Don’t get all soft on me.” She punched him lightly in the shoulder. Zuko let out a sigh and Toph waited for him to recite his next three facts.

“I’ve been to the North and South Pole, when I bend my fire is blue, and I know how to fight with swords.”

_ Truth. Lie. Truth. _

“I know your sister is the one with blue fire, she likes rubbing that in everyone’s face.” He was really making this too easy. “When’d you learn how to fight with swords? That doesn’t seem like something you’d just pick up.”

“It was something fun to do when I was little, before I was the Crown Prince and I had more freedom to just do what I wanted. My cousin taught me at first, and it was the only thing I was better at than Azula.”

“Are you good at fighting with them?”

“I’m okay.”

_ Not true… but not false. _

Toph narrowed her eyes. Zuko sounded a lot like Sokka did when he said he didn’t contribute anything to Team Avatar. “Now I think you’re lying.” He shifted awkwardly in his seat.

“I mean, I think I’m okay. I haven’t had much cause to practice recently. My father had never been, uh,  _ pleased _ that I learned.” That wasn’t the direction Toph was trying to lead the conversation. “Your turn.” Zuko cut her off before she could say anything else.

“Fine. I’ve been to the North Pole, I don’t have any siblings, and I learned earthbending from badgermoles.”

“ _ Badgermoles?! _ ” Toph had to bite down on her grin.

“You think that’s the lie?”

“Yes!?”

“Well you’d be wrong about that one.” Toph cackled as she felt Zuko's disbelief growing. “I haven’t actually been to the North Pole. Or the South Pole.” Toph hummed and tilted her head. “It’d be hard to see through all that ice.”

“ _ Badgermoles. _ ” He sounded even more confused. She shrugged.

“They taught me how to see. And they were much better at teaching than the guy my parents hired. He didn’t let me do  _ anything _ .”

“Badgermoles…” Zuko muttered yet again. He took a moment before shaking his head as if to clear it. “I’ve been hunted by pirates, I used to work in a tea shop, and, um, my mother died when I was ten.”

_ Truth. Truth. Lie. _

“C’mon Sparky,  _ everyone’s _ been hunted by pirates.” Toph shook her head sadly. “And Uncle told us that you two ran a tea shop in Ba Sing Se. So the one about your mom is a lie.” Though something about how he said it didn’t feel  _ completely _ false, but she also wasn’t going to push it.

“He told you that?”

“Yeah. When he came to us asking for help rescuing from the catacombs underneath the city.”

“Oh…”

“You know the point of this game is to try and trick me, right?”

“I  _ am _ trying to trick you!”

_ Truth. _

Toph huffed out a laugh. “Well you’re not very good at it. My turn: Katara once helped me run a scam when we were low on money, my parents are extremely rich, and I can bend lava.” Zuko was silent for a while, and Toph could almost hear the gears turning in his head.

“There’s no way Katara ever agreed to run a scam.” He said finally.

“Actually she did! Sweetness once helped arrest me so we could collect a bounty. I can’t lavabend.”

“At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if you found a way.” Silence. Then, “Katara ran a  _ scam _ with you?”

Toph snorted. “Surprising I know. It was supposed to be relatively simple. She would call the guards on me so we could collect the reward offered for my capture, then I was supposed to break out because no one would expect me to be able to bend metal. But then they arrested Katara too and put us in a wooden cage and your stupid assassin showed up and tried to kill us. We never did get that bounty.” Toph sighed wistfully. It had been a fair amount of money too.

“Why was there a bounty on you in the first place?” Zuko asked after taking a minute to process everything she said.

“Oh, you know, we were in a town and there were a bunch of those street scam artists who were way too eager to take money from a helpless blind girl.” She heard Zuko stifle a laugh. “So we just scammed them back. Really it was only fair since they were cheating first, but the guards didn’t see it that way.”

“Right. Uh… I’ve traveled through the Si Wong desert, I can bend lightning, and I once stole an ostrich horse.”

_ Truth. Tru-lie? Truth. _

Toph could practically feel the guilt rolling off Zuko in waves as he mentioned the ostrich horse.

“Damn Sparky, when’d you steal an ostrich horse?” She elbowed him, trying to get him to laugh, but he just let out a long drawn out sigh.

“When my uncle and I were traveling the Earth Kingdom as refugees there was this family that took us in for a night and gave us food. I repaid them by stealing their ostrich horse.” Toph felt Zuko shift next to her, and she could tell he leaned forward to put his head in his hands.

“That’s kinda a dick move.” Toph said bluntly.

“I know.” His voice was slightly muffled, and they sat in awkward silence until Toph realized she didn’t know which fact was a lie.

“So can you bend lightning?” She asked.

“...no.” 

_ Not true, but not false… _

“You sure about that?” She pressed. He finally sat up again and sighed.

“I can redirect it but I can’t create it.” He shrugged.

“Still sounds like bending to me.”

“It doesn’t count.” Zuko said dismissively. “In order to bend lightning you have to be precise and controlled, which I’m… not.”

“Yeah, no shit.” She snorted. “It’s still impressive though.”

“It’s a move my uncle taught me, he created it after studying waterbenders. It’s already saved my life once.”

“He created it? Cool!” Toph said, then the weight of his words sunk in. “Hang on who shot you with lightning? Because I know your uncle didn’t.”

“Oh, uh, it was on the day of the eclipse. I wanted to confront my father and tell him where he could shove it when we would be equal. I, uh, hung around too long and he got his bending back.” Toph was still trying to untangle his words as he continued. “I just redirected it back at him, I think that’s the only time I’ve ever surprised my father.”

“Your dad shot lightning at you?” Toph had fully turned towards Zuko at this point, unable to believe what he was saying.

“Um, yes?” Zuko sounded confused, like he wasn’t sure why she was making such a big deal out of it.

“He tried to kill you.” She clarified.

“...yeah?”

She still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Ozai had tried to kill Zuko.  _ His dad _ tried to kill him.

“Shit, Sparky.” She breathed.

“Yeah, sorry.” She could tell he had ducked his head and was curling in on himself, and she punched him in the arm.

“What the fuck are you apologizing for?” She demanded. Zuko didn’t answer her, instead rubbing at the spot where she punched him. 

She was going to say something else when she felt footsteps approaching. “I think Sokka and Haru are back from their ‘hunting trip’.” She said instead. Zuko didn’t reply. “Oh, I should probably let you know that I can tell when people are lying.”

“Wait, you can? Why’d we even play this game then?”

“Cause it’s funny to listen to you try and lie.”

* * *

Toph almost didn’t notice. He did a really good job of masking it, it was only when she paid very close attention that she could tell: Zuko favored his left side.

Toph’s feet had finally healed, and though she still made Zuko carry her everywhere she challenged him to a friendly sparring match. He had gotten back from his trip with Aang to see the Sun Warriors or whatever it was yesterday, and right now it was just the two of them on an empty terrace, so she could focus entirely on him. She would’ve missed it otherwise, and she was sure the others hadn’t noticed.

“Can you see out of your left eye?” Toph asked, interrupting the back and forth sounds of fire and earthbending. She knew he had a scar somewhere on or around his left eye, but she hadn’t realized it impared his vision. At her question he stumbled slightly, narrowly avoiding a rock she sent flying in his direction.

“Um, kind of.” Zuko said after he recovered from the surprise. “I can see light, and shapes, and a little bit of color, but most of it’s pretty fuzzy.” He sent a blast of fire in her direction, which she easily avoided—she knew he was holding back, but she also knew it was because he didn’t want to burn her again, so she wasn’t too mad.

“Huh.” Toph said. There was a moment of silence before he spoke again.

“I can’t hear as well out of my left ear either.”

“Huh.” She repeated. “It’s really hard to tell.”

“I didn’t want my scar to be a weakness.” She barely heard him over the grinding of rock.

“Must be a pretty big scar.” She felt him freeze for a second in surprise, but he got over it quickly enough to avoid her next barrage of attacks.

“Yeah. It is.” There was an undercurrent of anger in his voice, and his next attack was more powerful than she’d expected. She had to bring up a wall to shield herself, and she could feel the heat on the other side.

They continued in silence for a bit as Toph weighed her next question, debating if she should ask or not. 

“Can I see your scar?” She asked eventually.

“ _ What? _ ” Zuko froze and stared at her, allowing her to easily knock him over with just a few rocks.

“Ha!” Toph pumped a fist in the air and grinned. Zuko laid on the ground for a moment before slowly getting to his feet, his eyes on her the whole time.

“What do you mean ‘see it’?”

“I mean can I touch it?” Toph held up her hands and wiggled her fingers to emphasize her point. He didn’t move or say anything, so she dropped her hands. “It’s alright if you don’t want me to, I was just curious.”

“No you can I just- I was surprised, is all.” He responded. There was another moment of silence. “We should probably, um, sit down?” Toph nodded and followed him to a corner of the terrace.

Toph sat down in front of Zuko, and she could feel his heart beating a little faster than usual. Not ‘on-the-edge-of-panic’ like it often was, and not quite ‘winded-from-fighting’, it was more along the lines of ‘slightly-anxious-and-uncertain’.

“You don’t have to let me do this, you know. Just tell me to fuck off and I will.” That elicited a small laugh, and she felt him relax a little.

“No it’s alright, I don’t mind. You deserve to know what it looks like. Most of it is numb anyways.”

_ Lie. Truth. Truth. _

Toph opened her mouth to say that she didn’t deserve shit, but before she could he had picked up her hands and brought them to his face.

She could immediately tell the difference.

The right side of Zuko's face was smooth, no stubble or acne or other scars, though she could feel a slight pinch in his brow as her fingers traced over his forehead. But the left side was completely different. His chin and jaw felt the same, but right below his cheekbone the smooth skin gave way to a rubbery, ridged texture that reached up past where his eyebrow should be, and extended back until it tapered off into points that faded into his hair. His left ear was smaller and shriveled, and his left eye didn’t open all the way—which made the fact that no one knew he was partially blind all the more surprising. She could feel his heart beating faster, and could hear the deep breaths he was forcing himself to take.

“Damn.” Toph dropped her hands and sat back on her heels. “That’s a big scar.”

Zuko let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah.” 

It was also a  _ burn _ scar, a fact that no one had bothered to tell her. Toph didn’t know much about firebenders, but she knew that they didn’t burn easily. So for him to have a scar that big… she didn’t want to think about it. It also felt old.

“How long ago did you get it?”

“Um, about three years ago.”

“Oh.” Toph frowned. “Before or after you were banished?” Zuko sucked in a sharp breath, and Toph felt momentarily bad for asking.

“Before.”

_ True… mostly. _

He seemed to sense her question. “It was part of the reason I was banished.”

Toph tilted her head to the side, trying to remember what Zuko had said about his banishment before. “I thought you were banished for speaking out of turn?” He didn’t answer, and Toph could feel his heart rate speeding up. “Ok, well I’m hungry. Wanna see if Katara has lunch ready?”

“I’m not hungry.”

_ Lie. _

Toph rolled her eyes. “I know when you’re lying.” She pointed out.

“Oh, right…”

“Besides, you still have to carry me.”

“Your feet aren’t even burned anymore!” Zuko complained, even as he got ready to carry her.

“Yeah, but you still owe me.” Zuko grumbled a few things under his breath, but obligingly let Toph climb up on his back.

“Hey Sparky.”

“Yeah?”

“...thanks for letting me see your scar.”

* * *

Toph was a little annoyed that Sokka and Zuko got to stage a breakout from the highest security prison in the Fire Nation while she was stuck at the air temple with no one to boss around.

She spent some of the time with Haru practicing earthbending, and though he was pretty good he couldn’t figure out how to see through his feet. She also found out that Haru and Teo had gone around the temple and added ramps to at least half the staircases which were extremely fun to slide down at breakneck speeds. Katara disapproved, because of course she did, but that only made it better.

Toph was glad when Sokka and Zuko returned because it meant she had someone to boss around again, she definitely hadn’t missed them or anything. She had tried to order Aang around, but he was just as likely to do what she asked as he was to get distracted halfway through and forget.

She was surprised when they came back with three extra passengers: Hakoda, Suki, and some random firebender. Toph liked Hakoda, he was really nice—even if he sometimes still confused her by actually listening to what Sokka or Katara suggested instead of ignoring anything they had to say—and she just hoped Suki wouldn’t bring up their time in the Serpent's Pass. Katara and Sokka seemed really happy to have their dad back though, so that was good.

Zuko, on the other hand, started acting really weird after coming back from Boiling Rock. At first Toph thought it was because of his fight with his sister, or the fact that his ex-girlfriend committed treason and was probably thrown into prison or worse. But he was still acting weird days after getting back.

Zuko had been with them for a while now, and he seemed mostly relaxed in their presence—his heart still beat much faster than anyone she’d ever met, but it wasn’t the anxiety inducing rate that it was before. Though ever since getting back Zuko seemed to fall into some of his old habits.

Pulling his bedroll way over to the side of the room and sleeping against the wall when before he’d been reasonably close to the group. Saying very little at mealtimes, often arriving late or leaving without finishing his food. Spending most of the day in barely used corners of the temple bending or practicing with swords instead of challenging one of them to a sparring match.

Toph wasn’t sure what changed.

It came to a head one day when Zuko didn’t show up for dinner. It wasn’t the first time he didn’t show up on time, but it was getting late and he was nowhere to be found.

“Anyone know where Zuko is?” Toph had already gotten a bowl for herself, but the absence of her usual heat pack had her too on edge to eat.

“I sparred with him before lunch.” Sokka offered when no one else spoke.

“And no one’s been with him since then?”

Silence.

Toph grumbled and got to her feet, already running through her mental list of places he might’ve gone.

“Toph, where are you going?” Katara asked.

“To find Zuko.” She thought that was pretty obvious.

“Why? You know-”

“Because he’s my friend and I care about him.” Toph cut Katara off before she could start her rant and stomped away, ignoring the way the stone cracked beneath her feet.

It wasn’t hard to find him. Toph just had to go to the most remote corner of the temple and follow the feel of someone’s heart being way too fast. He was on a deserted terrace, and was either practicing firebending or sword fighting, she couldn’t tell. It felt like he was holding swords, and she was pretty sure she could hear them move through the air, but his movements resembled the stuff he did with Aang. Sharp jabs and thrusts and kicks instead of the more sweeping arcs that normally accompanied sword fighting. There were also the small whooshes of air she associated with firebending, and she could feel heat coming from somewhere.

Toph waited a moment for him to notice her, but it soon became obvious he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings.

“Sparky,” Zuko jumped when she spoke, his heartbeat ratcheting up a few notches. “It’s time for dinner.” She said instead of commenting on the fact that he hadn’t been this easy to spook since he first joined them.

“I’m not hungry.”

_ Lie _ .

She didn’t need to feel his heartbeat to know he was lying about that. “You know you can’t lie to me.” Zuko didn’t say anything. “Come on, I know for a fact that you didn’t eat lunch either.” He still didn’t move towards her, and Toph narrowed her eyes. “I’m not going back without you, so either you come with me and eat or we both miss dinner.” Toph threatened, stomping her foot to create a stone chair that she sat down in.

Finally he sighed and grabbed his sheath off the ground to put his swords away. Honestly, the only way to motivate him to do something was to threaten someone else.

They got back to the campfire, and Toph could tell Sokka already ate her unguarded food. No matter, there were still a few clean bowls left, and Toph held them as Zuko scooped out the food. He filled one bowl all the way, but the other one only got half as much. Toph narrowed her eyes, she may not be able to see how much food he was putting in each bowl but she could definitely tell the difference in weight. And of course he gave her the full bowl.

Toph waited until they were both seated to reach out and switch their bowls, giving him the one with more food.

“Wait-” Toph could feel Zuko staring at her, but she was already taking a bite out of her new bowl, doing her best to glare at him as she did so. Zuko hesitated, glanced down at his new bowl, back up at her, then finally sighed and took a tentative bite. Toph couldn’t help but grin, maybe this would keep him from trying that again.

Toph talked with Haru as they ate, trying to find if there was a way to create a staircase or ramp that led all the way down into the canyon, because right now the only person who could get down easily and safely was Aang, and they all wanted to explore it more. Though she was talking to Haru, she kept part of her attention focused on Zuko. He didn’t say anything, or seem particularly interested in any conversation, but he kept glancing across the fire at someone. Toph couldn’t tell if it was Sokka, Hakoda, or Katara that he was looking at, but every time it made his heart speed up—and not in a good way.

Toph hadn't quite managed to finish her bowl when Zuko got up to put his away. There was no way he ate all that food that fast, but she didn’t call him on it in front of everyone. He slipped quietly out of the room as if she wouldn’t notice if he didn’t say anything, and went to a nearby terrace. Far enough that he was out of earshot, but close enough that she could still keep track of his heart.

She kept one foot focused on Zuko while she talked with the others, and soon Sokka and Teo joined their conversation, coming up with continually more ridiculous ways to get people down into the canyon.

She didn’t notice anyone else leave the fire, but she felt the moment Zuko's heart rate spiked, going off in the panicked way it did when Katara threatened him. Toph did a quick scan of who was left at the fire, and realized that Hakoda had gotten up and gone to talk to Zuko. Toph pulled back from the conversation, putting more of her attention on Zuko and Hakoda.

Hakoda seemed relaxed, but Zuko's heart didn’t slow down the way it usually did when he was sitting with someone. He wasn’t calming down at all, and over the next few minutes she felt it spike a few more times. After several minutes Hakoda stood up, and Toph wasn’t great at reading body language from such a distance but she was pretty sure that Zuko flinched. Toph frowned, that was enough of that. She now had a pretty good idea of why Zuko had been acting weird the past several days. Toph got to her feet, not bothering to put her bowl away as she made her way towards Zuko. She stopped in the doorway of the terrace, far enough away that neither Zuko or the group would be able to hear her.

Hakoda didn’t notice her, and almost walked into her when she cleared her throat.

“Oh, sorry I didn’t…” Hakoda trailed off when he saw her, and she realized she was frowning. “Is something wrong?”

Maybe the fact that Zuko had been acting relatively normal before Boiling Rock, and was now acting like a scared rabbit-mouse again. Or that Zuko had definitely been avoiding Hakoda, yet this was the second time Toph knew of that Hakoda sought out Zuko.

She didn’t say any of that, instead she crossed her arms and gave Hakoda her best glare.

“Listen, I don’t know what it is that you said, or did, but Sparky doesn’t trust you. But he’s good now, and he’s on our side. So just- just leave him alone, okay?” She felt a sliver of satisfaction when Hakoda's heart ticked  _ just _ a bit faster. “And if I find out that you’ve cornered him again, or made him feel uncomfortable, I  _ will _ throw you off this temple myself. Got it?”

“Understood.”

_ Truth. _

“Good.” Toph growled, then pushed her way past him. She took a second to calm down before approaching Zuko, making sure she was loud enough he could hear her coming.

“Hey Sparky.” He didn’t move as she sat down to his right and leaned against his side. It was cold out there, and Zuko was like a personal heat pack, that was the only reason she got so close.

Neither of them said anything for a moment, but Toph could feel Zuko fidgeting, tapping his foot against the ground and drumming his fingers on his thigh.

“You know you can just say the word and I’ll bury whoever’s bothering you so deep underground they’ll never be able to get out.” Toph said casually. Zuko let out a small huff of what might’ve been a laugh and relaxed ever so slowly against her.

“I know.” He whispered.

“Good.” Toph punched him on the shoulder then leaned even more into his side, holding on tightly to his arm.

They sat there for a while, and Toph waited for his heart to return to a normal pace—normal for him at least—before she spoke again.

“I’m cold, let’s head back to the group.” Zuko didn’t move and Toph sighed. “Come on Sunshine, you may be your own personal furnace but even you shouldn’t stay out here that long.” Toph all but pulled Zuko to his feet and back to the group.

* * *

Sokka had a nightmare. Which wasn’t unusual. They all had nightmares occasionally. Toph could usually tell the next morning, if someone was quieter than usual, or extra clingy, or obsessively took care of everyone making sure they ate and had the supplies they needed. Okay, the last one was mostly Katara, but still. Nightmares among the members of Team Avatar were normal.

The weird part about Sokka having a nightmare was that as he was being led away by Hakoda to a quieter part of the temple, Zuko's heart was beating faster than Sokkas. Everyone got anxious when they were woken up in the middle of a night by a yell, as it usually meant they were about to be attacked, but while everyone else relaxed when they realized it was just a nightmare, Zuko didn’t.

“Will he be alright?” Zuko's voice broke the silence that had fallen over them again.

“He’ll be fine.” Katara replied dismissively as she moved her bedroll to be closer to Sokkas.

As everyone settled down to sleep again, Toph could feel Zuko shifting around a lot. She was tempted to ask him about it, but it was the middle of the night and she was tired. If it was really a problem she’d ask him in the morning.

Come morning, Sokka still felt a little shaky, so Toph sat next to him and plopped her feet in his lap. He grumbled about it but didn’t try to shove her off, so she counted it as a win. As the group gathered for breakfast Sokka started to relax even more, until he felt almost normal again. Zuko, on the other hand, was coiled tight as a spring and was focused intently on… something. She couldn’t tell what, but he was definitely staring.

“So Zuko, are we gonna do anything fun in firebending today?” Aang piped up once they had all eaten breakfast.

“Uh, why don’t we take a break for today.” Zuko suggested.

“Really?”

“Yeah, you’re improving a lot in your firebending-”

_ Lie. _

“-and it’s good to take a day off every now and then.”

_ Truth. _

“Maybe you could take today to practice more earthbending? If… if that’s alright with you Toph?” He was definitely hiding something, but she couldn’t figure out what it was. She could almost hear him begging her to leave the topic alone as he faced her, so she went with it.

“Sure.” Toph grinned. “Ready to get your butt kicked Twinkletoes!” She punched one hand into the other as she spoke.

“Okay!” Aang got up with her to go practice.

As they trained, Toph put Zuko and whatever was going on with him out of her mind. Yeah he was acting weird but it was Zuko, he was always acting a little weird.

After lunch Toph found him brooding on one of the lower terraces of the air temple.

“What’s up Sparky?” Toph plopped herself down next to him.

“Um, nothing?”

Toph sighed. “How come you didn’t want to teach Aang today? I know Twinkletoes can be a lot sometimes, but you’re not usually the type to skimp out on training.” Toph felt him lean forward and rest his head in his hands.

“I- I had to talk to Sokka.”

“Okay…?” Toph waited for him to say something else, but it quickly became clear he wasn’t going to. “Did you get what you wanted when you talked to him?”

“Yeah.”

“So now what?”

“Now I have to apologize to Hakoda.”

“What?” Toph had been expecting several different answers, but that was not one of them. “Why? You don’t even like him.”

“I never said that!”

“You’ve been avoiding him since you got back from Boiling Rock.” She pointed out.

“Oh… was I that obvious?”

“I mean I noticed, and I’m sure Hakoda did, but the others can be pretty blind.” Toph grinned at her own joke, but Zuko didn’t so much as chuckle. “So why do you have to apologize?”

“I just… expected him to act differently.” There was a long pause. “Like my father.” He added quietly.

“I know what you mean,” Toph offered after a moment passed. “When I first met Hakoda he pissed me off.”

“Wait, really?” She felt Zuko lift his head from his hands to stare at her.

“Yeah. He was constantly checking in and asking me how I felt or if I needed help with anything. It annoyed me to no end because he sounded so much like my parents, thinking that I needed help or was weak or whatever just because I was blind. It took me a little while to realize that he was just  _ like that _ . He asked the same questions to everyone. It was… weird.” Zuko let out a small huff of laughter.

“He actually  _ listens _ when Sokka or Katara suggest something.”

“And doesn’t assume he knows best just because he’s the adult.”

“And doesn’t get mad when they mess up.”

“Or when they try and do things themselves.”

“Yeah.” Zuko let out a heavy sigh. “When Sokka had a nightmare, I thought Hakoda was going to…” Zuko trailed off.

“Be mad?” Toph offered after a moment of silence.

“Hurt him.” Zuko finished, Toph couldn’t help the frown that briefly crossed her face. “I just had to talk to Sokka and make sure.”

“Is that what your dad would’ve done?” She asked carefully.

“Well, yeah. It’s how I got-” Zuko gestured towards his face, and it took a moment for Toph to realize he was motioning towards his scar.

It took another moment to understand what he meant by that.

“Wait, your  _ dad _ gave you that?!” As soon as the words were out of her mouth Zuko froze, and his heart rate skyrocketed to ‘almost-but-not-quite-panicking’ levels. “What the  _ fuck. _ ”

“Look it doesn’t matter-” 

“Yes it fucking does!” She could tell he didn’t really want to talk about it, but she wasn’t going to let him brush it off that easily.

“No, it really doesn’t. It was a long time ago, and-”

“Yeah it was a long time ago, you were  _ twelve _ .” She growled.

“Thirteen.” He corrected her halfheartedly.

“That doesn’t make it any better.” They were both quiet for a moment, and Toph couldn’t help but stew.  _ She _ was almost thirteen. Her parents were shitty, yeah, but they were the kind of shitty where they didn’t let her do anything in fear of her accidentally hurting herself. His parents were apparently the opposite.

“I’m gonna kill him.” She stated.

“What? Toph, no, it’s fine-”

“It’s not fucking fine!” Toph shouted, then immediately regretted it when Zuko flinched. “Zuko-”

“Just leave it alone, okay? I don’t get why you’re so upset about it.”

“Because you’re  _ not _ upset about it!”

“Because it was a long time ago! And I’m over it.”

_ Lie. _

“You can’t lie to me.” Toph pointed out bluntly. “What he did was not fucking okay.”

“I know that! Okay? I know that now.” The fact that Zuko at one point thought it was okay only made her angrier.

“Then why aren’t you-”

“Because there’s nothing I can do about it!” Zuko snapped, and now he was the one shouting. “ _Yes_ I was thirteen, and _yes_ my father is an asshole, and _yes_ I know it wasn’t ok, and _yes_ I still get nightmares about it but there’s _nothing you can do._ It’s over, it happened. So just- just move on and forget about it.”

“No! No, I won’t just ‘forget about it’, Zuko-”

“Right now I just need to apologize to Hakoda and then it’ll all be fine.”

“That’s not how that works!” And now Toph was shouting again. She knew this wasn’t the way to go about this, and that she should try and comfort him in a way that didn’t involve raised voices, but she was never good at that type of stuff, and  _ spirits _ she was just so angry. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because I knew you’d overreact, and I was right.”

“Overreact? I’m sorry, I thought that was a pretty appropriate response to finding out that my friend's dad gave him permanent scarring and vision damage when he was  _ thirteen _ .”

There was a long moment of silence, and Toph realized that she might’ve stepped over a line. She just didn’t understand why he  _ wasn’t _ angry, if she had gone through that she would’ve been pissed until she died, but somehow Zuko seemed content to pretend it never even happened. She could tell that he was tense and on edge, and she wanted to to help him, but she didn’t know how, and everything she said only seemed to make it worse.

Toph forced herself to take several deep breaths before speaking again. “Zuko-” before she could even finish saying his name he was up and walking away from her. “Wait!” She slammed her fist into the ground, bringing up a wall of rock that encircled the two of them.

“Toph.” Zuko ground out. There was a clear warning in his tone, a ‘push-me-and-I-will-fight-back’ kind of warning, but she knew he’d never hurt her. No matter how angry—or not angry—he got.

She wanted to say something, she knew she  _ should _ apologize for being yelling, but  _ spirits _ she wasn’t sorry for being angry.

Eventually Zuko seemed to realize she wasn’t going to say anything because he let out a long sigh. “Just, don’t tell the others. Please.” The desperation and resignation in his tone had her nod in agreement even though the others had a right to know. She wasn’t going to tell them, but he would. Eventually.

Before she could collect her thoughts Zuko threw out a ball of fire that broke through her wall and he walked away, leaving Toph to yell and scream and uselessly punt rocks off the side of the temple.

* * *

Toph spent the rest of the afternoon stewing in her own anger as she chucked as many boulders into the canyon as she could without causing the air temple to fall off the cliff. She knew the others were avoiding her, and she was fine with that. If they knew what was good for them, and didn’t want a rock to the face, they’d leave her be.

Of course it wouldn’t last forever, and a few hours later Toph heard the telltale whoosh of a glider flying by and the accompanying featherlight steps that told her Aang landed nearby. He didn’t say anything at first, and Toph was content to ignore him until he spit out what was on his mind.

Or she would’ve been, but he just stood there and  _ watched _ her, without trying to speak or keep her from destroying the temple. Finally she let out a frustrated huff and stomped her foot into the ground, sending the stones rippling outwards and forcing Aang to hop back.

“What do you want, Aang.” Toph growled.

“The others said someone should check on you, they were worried.”

“And how come they didn’t come themselves?”

“They were all, um, scared?” Toph bared her teeth in what might’ve been a smile had she been in a better mood, but was too sharp to be anything but predatory at that moment.

“Good.”

“They also pointed out that I’m the only one who’d be able to stop you from hitting me with a rock, so…”

Hm, that was a good idea.

With a sudden spin Toph kicked out, tearing several large chunks of rock out of the ground, then punched them towards Aang. He leapt in the air to avoid them, momentarily vanishing from her sight until he landed gently back on the ground again. As soon as he did she sent another barrage of rocks his way, which he dodged again.

“I thought you’d been practicing your earthbending.” Toph growled. When she sent her next attack at him she felt his stance shift, moving off the balls of his feet and planting himself more firmly on the ground, spreading his feet and lowering his center of gravity to make it harder to knock him down. He punched out once, twice, then let out a powerful kick, shattering all the boulders before they could reach him.

“Good.” Toph continued throwing rocks in his direction, upping the number and intensity of her attacks every time Aang successfully countered with earthbending. She didn’t let up, even when they were both breathing heavily and her attacks were getting messier and messier. Aang was losing his root too, and he barely had time to stop one rock before two more were hurtling towards him. But he was first and foremost an airbender, so when her barrage became too much and he stumbled, he saved himself by leaping into the air and sending out a huge gust of wind that knocked Toph off her feet.

“ _ Oof. _ ” All of the air left Toph’s lungs as she landed hard on her back, and for a moment she struggled to breathe.

“Oh! Are you ok?” She felt Aang start rushing towards her, and without moving from her position she slammed her fist into the ground, sending him flying through the air like she had just a moment ago. Though he had a much softer landing than she did.

Toph struggled to her feet and took a second to assess the damage she’d done to the temple. The floor was no longer one smooth, solid plane, and was now pockmarked with craters of various sizes, some of which were open holes that led down to the next floor below. The wall of the cliff was hollowed out now too, a cave that hadn’t been there before stretching far into the rock.

Toph grimaced and reluctantly started fixing the area a bit, patching up the holes in the floor so someone wouldn’t accidentally fall through, and filling up the massive cave until it was much smaller. Aang joined in to help, and between the two of them it wasn’t long before the area was relatively safe again, and not in imminent danger of falling off the side of the cliff.

Once they finished, Toph flopped to the ground, letting out a long sigh as she splayed out like a starfish-cat basking in the sun. Aang sat down next to her, and gave her a few moments of silence before speaking.

“Do you feel better?” He asked. Toph let out a small huff of laughter instead of responding. “Can I ask… why are you mad at Zuko?”

“Who said I was mad at Zuko?”

“He did.”

Toph rolled her eyes. “Of course he did.” Aang shifted slightly.

“So are you mad at him?”

“No.” She said firmly. “He told me something that pissed me off, but I’m not mad  _ at _ him.”

“So who are you mad at?”

“No one. Everyone. Shitty parents. The Fire Nation. I don’t know.” Toph groaned and rubbed at her face.

Aang was silent for a while. “The whole Fire Nation?”

“No. Yes? Maybe. I don’t-” Toph sighed again. She knew, objectively, that there were good people in the Fire Nation. They’d met some while traveling there. People who were born there because they had no choice in the matter, no options, who never knew the full extent of what was happening around the world. People who were fed propaganda and accepted it because they just needed to survive and it was easier if you didn’t fight back. 

“Not everyone from the Fire Nation is bad. Zuko is proof of that.” Aang pointed out.

“I know. But some of them…” some of them were. Some of them were fine with following a man who burned his own son. Who exiled his kid at thirteen years old for speaking out of turn. Who somehow convinced that kid it was  _ his _ fault it happened in the first place.

She could feel her anger rising again, and she forced herself to take several deep breaths to calm down. The temple wouldn’t survive another assault from her.

“Listen, I know you’re not mad at Zuko, but you should still apologize to him.”

“Why? I’m not sorry that I got mad. In fact I think I had a pretty good reason to be pissed, given what he told me.” Really, most of the reason Toph was so pissed was because Zuko  _ wasn’t _ , and she couldn’t understand how he was ok with it all.

“What’d he tell you?”

“I… can’t say. I promised him I wouldn’t. If you really wanna know, ask him.”

“Oh, ok. Well, you might not be mad at him, and I know that and you know that, but he doesn’t know that. So you don’t have to apologize for  _ being _ mad, but it might make him feel better if you at least talk to him, and explain why you were feeling the way you were feeling.” Sometimes Toph hated that Aang was such a peacemaker, but it was times like this that she found she didn’t mind it as much. She wasn’t always good at talking to people, especially about sensitive things, so having someone tell her what to do was appreciated.

“Yeah, yeah, alright. I’ll talk to him at dinner.”

“Good!”

“...now scram, Twinkletoes. Unless you wanna have another earthbending lesson.” Within seconds Aang vanished, leaving Toph alone once again.

* * *

Toph waited a good ten minutes after the others called her for dinner before she went up to them. She knew that, if given the chance, Zuko would avoid her until the end of time. She wasn’t going to give him that chance. 

Sure enough, when she got up to the main room Sparky was sitting off to the side, more removed from the group than usual. He didn’t look up when she walked in, but she knew he noticed her because his heart ticked up  _ just _ a little.

Toph went to grab her own bowl, then paused when she realized she… couldn’t. She had become used to bossing Zuko around and making him get her a bowl, but the first—and only—time she had tried to serve herself when she first joined the group resulted in her spilling half of what she’d been trying to eat. Katara had gotten annoyed, and essentially forbade her from trying to serve herself after that. Which pissed Toph off, but she couldn’t argue when they were struggling to find enough food as it was.

Aang seemed to notice her situation, because he eagerly leapt up and filled a bowl for her.

“I could’ve done that myself.” Toph grumbled as she accepted the bowl. Aang didn’t respond, and instead gave her a gentle shove in Zuko’s direction. “Yeah, yeah, I know.” Taking a deep breath Toph squared her shoulders and marched over to Zuko, sitting down next to him and putting her feet in his lap like she did every night.

He froze, and she could feel him staring at her, but she didn’t say anything and after a moment he went back to eating. Well, he wasn’t really eating, he seemed to be mostly pushing around the food in his bowl while taking the occasional bite.

“Listen, I-” Toph started to say.

“I didn’t mean to-” Zuko said at the same time.

They both stopped talking and sat in silence for a moment before Toph laughed awkwardly.

“Heh, um, what were you saying?” She asked, trying to find a way to postpone what she had to say as long as possible.

“No, sorry, you first.” He mumbled. Toph glared at him, and he cleared his throat. “Or I can- um, right.” She felt him take a deep breath and sit up a little straighter. “I’m sorry.”

Toph tilted her head to the side. “For what?”

“Because I made you mad? I shouldn’t have told you- um, what I told you. I didn’t mean to upset you and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize!” Her words came out sharper then she intended, and she felt Zuko pull back. “I mean, I’m mad at what you said, not at  _ you _ . I- I’m mad that it happened, and that no one stood up for you, but I’m not mad that you told me. You know that, right?”

“Um, yes?”

Toph let out a long drawn out sigh. She wasn’t even going to try and read his heartbeat on that, she didn’t need to.

“Listen, I should be the one apologizing.” Toph said instead of calling him on the lie. “I’m not sorry that I got angry, because I still think that’s something that’s worth getting angry over, but I am sorry that I started yelling and made you think that I was angry at you. Because I’m not.”

“Oh, ok.”

“I just don’t understand how you’re not angry! You were thirteen and you-” Toph was speaking quietly enough that the others probably couldn’t hear her, but she wasn’t going to take any chances. “Your dads an asshole.” She said instead, her fists clenched at her sides.

“So is yours.” Zuko pointed out weakly.

“Yeah. They’re both assholes. But you got angry when I told you my parents called me fragile. This is the same sort of thing.”

“It is?”

“Yes!” Toph insisted. “I mean I’m still  _ pissed _ at my parents for what they did, and I guess I just don’t understand why you aren’t.” Zuko sighed and Toph felt him rub a hand over his face.

“I spent three years being angry at everything.” He said eventually, his voice hollow. “It was the only thing that kept me going, that forced me to continue chasing the Avatar long after I knew it was hopeless to continue. It felt better to be angry than to give into the sadness or despair, but I couldn’t live like that forever, and after three years I- I’m tired. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being fueled by hate.” There was a long pause. “And I guess, in a way, I’m glad that you got so angry when I told you. Because for years I’ve told myself that I was the one who was overreacting, and that I was weak because I still think about it even though it happened years ago.”

“You’re not weak because it still affects you.” Toph said firmly. 

“Yeah, I know that now. I just didn’t realize it for a while.”

“Listen, I don’t know the full story of what happened, and you don’t ever have to tell me if you don’t want to. But if at some point you feel like you need to talk about it, to vent to someone because you’ll explode otherwise, I can listen. And I promise to be more clear about who I’m angry at in the future.”

Zuko let out the smallest laugh. “Thanks. I- I might take you up on that sometime.” Toph smiled and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

She let several more minutes of silence pass, where they were both just sitting and eating before she spoke again. “So do you know what you’re gonna say to Hakoda?”

“Um, yeah. I think so.”

“Ok. You know I can be nearby if you want, in case you need me to bust in and bury him.”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary. But thanks for the offer.”

“Hmm, if you say so.” Toph narrowed her eyes. “But if you want me to come charging in just knock three times and I’ll show up, ok?”

“Ok, thanks Toph.”

“Anytime Sparky. Gotta keep my personal heat pack safe.” Toph elbowed Zuko lightly in the side. “Now go talk to him and let me eat my dinner in peace.”

She heard Zuko let out a small laugh and then felt him get up from his seat to approach Hakoda. She didn’t quite catch what was said, but after a moment Hakoda got up and led the way to a nearby terrace. Toph kept most of her focus on them as she continued eating, and though she felt Zuko get nervous he didn’t knock three times, so she stayed seated.

After several minutes Hakoda returned to the group, and Zuko came back a few minutes after that to sit next to Toph.

“How’d it go?” Toph asked as Zuko sat next to her.

“It… went well.”

_ Truth. _

Zuko seemed surprised even as he said the words, and she could tell he was looking at Hakoda again.

“Good, now I don’t have to throw him off the side of the temple and claim it was an accident.” Toph said breezily.

“ _ Toph! _ ” Zuko hissed.

Toph cackled. “Come on, I’m  _ mostly _ kidding.”

**Author's Note:**

> Toph: lol yeah one time Katara ran a scam with me  
> Zuko: she did???  
> Toph: yeah she helped arrest me so we could collect a bounty that had been placed on my head because I kept scamming the scam artists on the street but then it went sideways because we both got arrested and put in a wooden cage and the assassin you hired showed up and almost killed us  
> Zuko: ...now we don't have time to unpack all of that


End file.
